Day 120

Written 20 July, 2020




I did a lot of hugging of K this morning. She needed hugs, bending over, nestling our bodies in to each other’s warmth and smells and livingness.  i spent the afternoon at my professor’s house, explaining my course, preparing an introduction, a welcome letter, and a folder with all the readings. he did most of the work. he was at the computer. the person who’s doing the typing is the boss. I sat back, worrying that what i’d prepared would only suit writers – the usual feeling, that i’m not good enough, a fake in fact – but he kept exclaiming how excited he was for his composers. So perhaps it will be good for them. After all,  the neuroscience research has been done by hundreds of others, it’s accurate, it’s the same brain behaviour. We email out the readings and the course and wait for reactions. What if everyone leaves the class?

His wife is an opera singer. They have a small house. it’s the sort of musical household where they’re longing to buy a grand piano that’s going cheap, so the decision is whether to throw out the dining room table, or the lounge suite. That afternoon, they figure out how to squash it all in. I love their accord. When we”ve finished out work, rhey take me for a walk around Queen’s Park in the dusk, and the grass is greener and the paths through a forest more enticing because of it. My artist Dad always pointed out that green fades more slowly at dusk. I show them the bay yesterday morning.


And as i go home in a near empty bus, two composers email me, one a stranger – Very exciting – the other,  my composer friend in locked-down Melbourne. She’s taciturn, so I’m always pleased when she’s pleased.

Something to look forward to.

My heart goes out to her. She’s just moved into her own tiny bedsit in central Melbourne a joy when  you can go out for coffee or a walk in the park, but a prison for a six weeks’ lockdown. And there’s a lesson that it seems I’ll take my whole life to learn- I need it written on the fridge, written in my mind.

Your shyness helps no one. it’s possible you could help someone. Just offer.


Leave a reply